Low-hanging fruit would be calling this entry "Doctor? Doctor who?"

I finally figured out one of the things that was bothering me about the new series of Doctor Who.

I think I need to start by defending the fact that I've never seen classic Who and wouldn't know the Third Doctor from the Sixth Doctor if he walked up and bit me, but the fact remains that I am now watching the fourth series of new Who as a first-time watcher. It's a television series about an alien called a Time Lord who travels through space (and, clearly, time) in a spaceship that looks like an emergency phone box, landing on planets and rescuing them from unspeakable dangers just in the nick of time. He's always accompanied by someone else, called a companion (and usually a woman), who helps him out and brings a sort of human perspective to the whole mess.

I will also admit here that of the four series so far, I have not watched the first. This is because I cannot stand the actress who plays the first companion, and one series with her (namely series two, because I got started late) was absolutely and positively more than enough. The character's name is Rose, which I tell you because you will hear more about her and I will gladly say from here until forever that she's annoying. She's blonde, skinny, pretty, and in love with The Doctor. (That's the alien's name, by the way.)

Rose is killed--well, sort of--at the end of series two to make way for the next companion, Martha. I liked Martha better, but I noticed as time goes on that Martha had a few things in common with Rose. Namely, she was skinny, pretty, and in love with The Doctor. Okay, sure, she wasn't blonde. She was black. But at the end of the day, she was not really any better than Rose other than being less annoying.

I never really noticed this as I watched the episodes. I suppose, intellectualism aside, I'm a sucker for a good "unrequited love" plot, and what love is less requited than between a twenty-something Londoner and a nine-hundred-something-year-old Time Lord? Rose's personality was more shallow and less fleshed-out than Martha's, and by time I got to Martha, I was seriously sad for her that The Doctor spent the first ten of thirteen episodes all emokid over Rose no longer being able to travel with him and the last three running around, flirting with Jack (remember Jack?), and then in mortal peril. Poor girls, I thought. They really care about The Doctor. The Doctor doesn't really get it. Maybe it's a deep disconnect between humans and Time Lords or something. And this is the impression I carried with me for quite some time, this business of a deep Time Lord/Real Person disconnect.

And then, I met Donna.

I guess Donna, who is the new companion, was in one of the infamous Doctor Who Christmas specials, but I never saw that episode. I met her for the first time in the first episode of series four, when she's essentially sticking her nose in other people's business for a reason that's not revealed until the end of the episode. Donna is played by Catherine Tate, a comedian (which is a little strange for Who), but she's got something the other companions doesn't.

She's not skinny, she's not traditionally pretty, and she's not in love with The Doctor.

Don't get me wrong. I think Catherine Tate, Donna, whatever name you want me to cal her, is gorgeous. She's a redhead! She's actually got a figure! Yes, yes, yes, and please may I have some more? But compared to Rose and Martha, she really just doesn't end up being the pretty little companion-thing that they are. She's not fat, she's not really even overweight, but she has flesh and curves and an actual figure, never mind real life breasts. For the first time, I feel like the companion is an actual human being, not some sort of convenient model in the middle of London who happened to get plucked up for being in the right place at the right time.

But more than this, she's the first companion that I've seen who isn't completely in love with The Doctor. Now, I don't blame the girls for falling for him, not really, but there's still the fact that it's annoying to spend thirteen episodes a series watching some attractive young woman fall over herself trying to get The Doctor to notice her. Donna isn't. And because Donna's not, and this is important, she can hold her own against The Doctor. She stands up to him, she argues his decisions, she comes up with solutions as readily as he does. It's not a one-sided relationship with The Doctor as a time-space travel guide and the companion oooh-ing and aaah-ing over all the wonders of the universe. She still does, but in the end, she also tells him where to go when he deserves it. I don't know about you, but I like that in a woman.

Of course, I do have the slightly secret fear that Donna and The Doctor will end up embroiled in another of the show's fantastic unrequited love plots, but I don't actually think they will. Donna just seems to have more sense than that, and in the way, qualifies as the first really fleshed-out female I've seen on that show. Comparatively, Rose and Martha were archetypes of humans, first the little shop girl who wants to see more than her average life, then the medical student who wants to save people. Great, fantastic, but there was never really anything there. Donna has motivation, Donna has personality, and Donna uses her brain instead of her throbbing, bleeding, angsty heart to function. I can't think of anything else I'd want to watch.

Well, except when Jack inevitably shows up in this series of Who because, quite secretly, he's my favorite companion. Not that we couldn't guess that.

A Tretise on Amber Volakis

My friend Carrie and I, last night, were currently embroiled in an epic (epic) text-message conversation about this David Shore interview and the titles of the rest of this season's episodes. Or rather, that is how it started. It swiftly made a change when I got on the subject (as I often do) about Amber, and her relationship with Wilson, and the ineffective plot device of the recent House/Wilson/Amber "triangle", if you will.

I am the first to concede that the arc with Wilson dating Amber could have been absolutely brilliant from the get-go. Moving from my reading of the "new" ducklings as aspects of House's personality, Amber fits right in; she basically is House in heels and a skirt, a counterpart to Cuddy's version of "tough woman" politics in a male-dominated field, and serves as a balance to Cameron and 13 as the other major women in the competition-cum-House's life. I really liked Amber as a character. As a person, I thought she was underhanded, cutthroat, and winner-take-all, but that was what I, as a viewer, was meant to see in her. She was meant to get on my nerves at times and for that she was absolutely stellar. I respected Amber. I wouldn't want to have beers with her or watch American Idol while sharing a plate of nachos, but she was well-written and well-done.

My problem with Wilson and Amber as a couple, and indeed the entire plot with Wilson and Amber as a couple, is what it's done to Amber as a strong personality. I no longer can look her in the eye and see the Cutthroat Bitch because, from the minute she started crying at the end of her swan song episode, she was no longer the Cutthroat Bitch. Even if she was upset, even if she thought she deserved it, it felt massively out of character for her to cry in front of anyone, up to and including the patient. Another friend once described Amber as "calculating", and I think that's the perfect word for her; no one that calculating and manipulative would have broken down in front of these people she is trying to impress and win over the way she did.

I could have lived with that, but frankly, nothing's been improved with the advent of Wilson's dating game. I wish I had "Don't Ever Change" on my harddrive to watch again, so I could lay out all my issues as well as I'd like to, but to me, the most telling moment was when she arrived home in Wilson's McGill sweatshirt. Now, I understand wearing your boyfriend's shirt; I've been guilty of it. I understand comfortable clothes. But Wilson is at least three sizes bigger than Amber, and for her to leave the house in his clothes? From the woman who is always perfectly put-up with neat hair, makeup, jewelry, et cetera? Completely wrong for the character. If she'd been home and lounging around, I would happily take that. But for her to arrive from being out dressed like that is completely contrary to everything we'd seen of her so far. I am not necessarily saying that people who look nice for work are incapable of wearing crappy clothes outside of the house on other days, but frankly, there is so much of Amber's personality up to that point that is against the very notion of her leaving home like that that I cannot process the sudden "cutesy" and "I belong to Wilson" image that is her in that too-big sweatshirt. Also, correct me if I'm wrong, but when she arrives to House's office later to confront him, she's wearing nice clothes again. Clearly, she does think about what she wears even when her dress doesn't necessarily effect what happens to her. (Meaning that she could have worn junk clothes to House's office and it wouldn't have mattered; she was already fired.) So why that time?

More than that, the whole "love versus respect" thing? No. Not only was it cliched and possibly some of the purplest prose in the show (again, I wish I had the episode), but it was just wrong for Amber. When have we ever seen her care a mite about love? When has she ever cared about being accepted or part of something? She's a self-serving bitch who wants to be on top. That's why the character was a fan-favorite. That's why people were sad to see her go. She never made any pretense about being more or less than that, and it completely cuts apart her character to suddenly make her craving love as much (or more) than she does respect. Show us some inkling of her having that as part of her personality. Drop us a line about it! But of course, they never did, because it wasn't there.

I realize that the strike rushed and changed some elements of the storylines that were meant to weave together for Season 4 - we were knocked down to a sixteen-episode season, for god's sake - but the fact is that, by making Amber the flavor-of-Wilson's-week, the writers ruined Amber. Using her as a device for delving into House and Wilson's relationship and looking at how Wilson, at base, does crave someone with House's personality traits? Brilliant. But I saw very little of House in the Amber we met in "Don't Ever Change". Instead, I saw someone who was just like Wilson's wives, and that's something we know he does not need or want. Why not keep her as she was? Why not press Amber as the bitch and have Wilson really adore her despite that?

But no. He meets her crying, he comforts her, and it's just another tooth in the gear called "Wilson's vicious cycle." There will never be any real future with Amber because Amber is no longer the kind of woman Wilson truly craves - self-actualized, confident, honest, ballsy. Instead, she's a shell of that woman, and frankly, unless dating Wilson is a ploy to get back at House, I don't see any way of salvaging her character.

It's sort of ironic that she features so heavily in "Don't Ever Change." The character who changes most is not House, or Wilson, but her.